Saturday, March 24, 2012

More Writing and More Honesty

As a believer in Christ, my greatest battle has always been taking the time to pick up my Bible and read God's word. Talking to God hasn't been the issue. It's listening. For the past few years I had been struggling with what to do with myself. Where should my focus be, what dreams should I be chasing, and how do I deal with all my faults and sins, both current and in the past?

Tired of not knowing what to do and sick of struggling, I'm finally trying. After work, I pack my Fossil bag with colored pens, Macbook, Bible, Moleskine and headphones. I drive to Starbucks where I spend a few hours reading, highlighting, noting in margins, writing, meditating, pausing, reflecting. Being still and listening. & Each day picks up where I left off the previous day. It's a continuous conversation with God. And I'm amazed at all He's teaching me.

I've never fit into the characteristic of one who was raised in the church. There are basic things that I'm just now beginning to understand. At the same time, I'm always amazed by the words that have stuck with me. The words God has written on my heart. The messages that have been with me since I was a child. The promises that still remain. He's faithful.

When I was fifteen I started pursuing God. I was on a God "high" for the remainder of my teenage years. But once I hit my twenties I fell, and I fell hard. Every experience caught up with me to the point where I just didn't know what to do with myself. And I'm realizing if I had just taken the time to open my Bible and listen, all the words I needed to hear were there all along.

There's no escaping sin. And I need to stop carrying all these things that have worn me down. Slowly, I'm giving them to God, who has already carried that sin to the cross where He faced death. So why am I holding onto it? The price was already paid. It is finished. Let go, breathe and stop worrying about it all. Everything. Past, present, future. Stop focusing on you, and who you want to become.

The only thing you need to do is focus on God. Stop justifying your faults. Just release them. Every time I've done this, I've learned over and over: God knows me more than I know myself. His timing is perfect, far exceeding my own. His plans for my life are better than anything I could begin to dream or create. I just want Him to consume me. Every fiber of my being. I want less of me and more of you, Lord.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23


  1. This is something I need to do!

  2. The words God has written on my heart.

    There's no escaping sin. And I need to stop carrying all these things that have worn me down
    The only thing you need to do is focus on God.
    His timing is perfect, far exceeding my own.
    Every fiber of my being. I want less of me and more of you, Lord.


    i agree 100percent girl.
    Thanks for this.
    I love hearing your heart and thoughts.
    Your a great and honest writer and your blog is still at the top of my list.
    There is just a beautiful sense of truth in all that you post.
    God is for you and He will never leave and He has so much in store for us crazy children when we are surrendered.
    I needed that psalm as well.
    My prayer right now since I'm really trying to surrender this guy that I like to the Lord and I find myself realizing this guy was never mine to give any of myself away to. The conversations about "GOD",texting and inside jokes. None of those belonged to him and now I'm reaping the aftermath of giving my heart away.


  3. Oh wow I can identify as well when I was in my teen years I was on "high" for God as well, I was sooo sure of where God had placed me and it is quite a wonderful feeling though when I hit my 20's it began a continuous struggle. It's essential to stay still and hearing what God has to tell us. It was a wonderful and thoughtful message.

  4. grace. it's something exceptionally beautiful. sometimes i forget i don't have to earn it... it's already there. ready + available. you have such a beautiful heart.

  5. Jodie- You won't regret it. Promise.

    CheChe- You are such a dear, and I thank you for your continuous encouragement. I'm currently in a similar boat, and trying oh so hard to guard my heart. Above all else. Sending a prayer your way- that God will be your armor.

    Sophie with her Illustrations- Thank you for your words!

    sarahbell- that's what He's showing me lately-- that there is absolutely nothing I can do to earn it. It's free. & There is nothing we do that can ever separate us from His love.

  6. I love this! *thank you* for honesty because we all need to hear the struggle that others go through to reach God through this world that presses in on us everyday. we have to choose to fight our way to Him every morning! hearing that there are others who are fighting, struggling, and desperately pursuing Him is encouragement that I am not alone in loving and serving God. fighting's not always fun or easy. People say it should be a delight to run to Him every morning, and once we're there it is! but there are many distractions between waking up to leaving the house that pull us away from taking time with Him.
    There is no one like Him. He has no equal. There is none stronger, more beautiful, or more understanding. Remember when Jesus told the analogy/parable to the pharisee whose house He had visited of two servants, one with a great debt and another with not much, but both were forgiven. But the one with much loved the master more because more was forgiven of him. We love Him more when we fall or drift away, realize it and run to Him because He forgives us (not that we should abuse His grace) and welcomes us safely home!

  7. I have been reading a bit of my bible everyday as a mission my church has taken on.I find that I can't read it without a pen in hand anymore. Theres so much to learn and I don't believe we can ever learn everything there is, but I believe it is our duty to try.


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