oh the horror.

Those who know me know that I hate horror films. In my life I have watched a total of five. It all started when I was five years old and my uncle let us watch Friday the 13th. I can still see the serial killer's eyes, staring out onto the misty lake where, of course, the only survivor left is sleeping (yes, sleeping!) in a canoe. And I can also still see canoe girl's friend lying bloody in the shower after being murdered. I'm embarrassed to say, but the movie resulted in me not making it to the bathroom. If you know what I mean.

Next on the list is House of Wax. Now why would I see a horror film after my scared-for-life experience? Because Jared whats-his-face and Chad Michael Murray were both in the film. Now many people have ranted and raved at the apparent lameness of this movie, apparently viewing it as mediocre compared to other scary flicks. To those people I ask: Are you kidding me? I was terrified. Creepy brothers living in a deserted town. Brothers who torture and coat the bodies of those who trespass with wax and place them in a wax museum. But also, who would follow a disgusting smell into the woods? And likewise stay in a tent after a creepy, mysterious trucker comes by and shines his lights on your location? Sheer stupidity! People always talk about how horror films are unrealistic because the people are so stupid. I have no problem admitting that I think people are, in fact, that stupid.

Then there was some stupid horror film that did not scare me: Pulse featuring Kristen Bell. This movie was lame. It involved something about the internet and computers and people becoming possessed and committing suicide. I must say, the technological movies do not scare me. Movies where it's about some evil thing coming through the computer or TV. It's unrealistic to me. The phone, on the other hand, is quite frightening. Movies featuring a murderer's voice on the other line- not pleasing.
Killer: "Hello. I can see you right now. *loud breathing* I'm now going to kill you."
Actor on the other line: "Perfect, I'll just stay inside and wait for you. Oh, and I have no gun or weapon, so you'll probably succeed. See you in a bit."

Now for Disturbia. I'm a fan of Shia LaBeouf. And the movie was actually quite good. It's probably the only 'scary' movie that I would call good. I didn't get frightened, too much. That is until the serial killer neighbor gets a hold of LaBeouf's mother and there are dead women in water located underneath the house. The creepy part: when he comes up to the girl in the parking garage. And, of course, she was stupid enough to keep her windows rolled down.

Then, to top off the list: The Strangers. Perhaps the scariest of them all since they live in the middle of nowhere. And my summers as a child, and still up to this day, involve me staying in the middle of nowhere. Not to mention, clowns are scary, which means clown masks are equally scary. Such a liberal film, though. Anti-guns. The man hardly knew how to use the stupid thing! See people, this- this!- is why I am anti gun control. Come to think of it, I thank my mother for making me take shooting classes at the shooting range when I was about 11 years old. People need their weapons to kill the dirty psychos who try and terrorize us. Back to the film: I saw this movie sometime last summer or spring. A few months after I visited my lovely family in the wonderful South. They live in about the same size neighborhood as that in The Strangers. And of course, they believe in keeping their blinds open... at night. Needless to say anytime I got up to use the restroom or get a class of water I refused to look out into the dark night. I swore that, if I did, there would be a creepy model chick (model Gemma Ward played the young, creepy daughter) in a clown mask, just staring back at me in the middle of the front yard.

PS: This is a must-read and inspired the writing of this entry: {Apricot Tea; scary movies.}